![]() ![]() There’s plenty more to come, including self-mutilation, grave robbery and a cool fire monster, but I don’t wanna spoil the surprises. Atta boy! So far, we’re barely over the first hour. Cloud, the tempestous one, just storms Charity’s bedroom and fucks her silly. Wind, the romantic one, takes Charity on “Superman: The Movie”-like fancy flights, poetry readings, firefly-watching and other sissy stuff. She likes both stepbrothers, but we know who we’re rooting for. BTW, for a girl named “Charity”, Conquers’ daughter is very giving indeed. ![]() And just like in any chapter of “Days of Our Lifes”, that’s not a good move – but Conquer is counting on that. ![]() Since both boys have the hots for Charity, Lordy arranges her marriage with one of ’em. Obviously bad news, but powermad Conquer thinks he can control his own destiny. Prophecy says that when Wind and Cloud unite for the same goal (so far, they’ve spent all the movie bickering), Conquer’s ass will be grass. Cool! But naughty Mud Buddha conveniently lets out the second part of the prophecy – you know, the BAD part – and hauls ass before Conquer finds out he was duped. Wind commands the wind (not THAT wind, but the kind that inflates sails!), Cloud controls water (something as useful as Zan’s powers from the Super Friends cartoon, judging by a later sequence), and a third boy, Frost (Michael Tse), freezes his enemies with punches. The now grown-up lads gained powers beyond those of mere mortal men. But as usual when you have some skeletons in the closet, someday the bones will rattle for everybody to hear.Ĭut to ten years later. Of course Conquer omits the murder bit, so Wind and Cloud are loyal to him. That’s what he does, by ordering the killing of the boys’ fathers and raisin’ em as his own offspring. Ah, if only things were just as easy! The evasive Sword Saint keeps postponing the duel (he follows the “why can’t we be friends?” motto), and seer Mud Buddha (Yiu-Cheung, the inspector Tang from Gen-X Cops) foretells that, to secure his post as The Big Pumbaa of Da ‘Hood, Conquer must bring to his side the kids Wind (Ekin Chen) and Cloud (Aaron Kwok). He collects rare, funny-named swords like a kid amasses Pokémon cards, and only wants two things from life: a good marriage for his pritty daughter Charity (Kristy Yeung) and a duel to death with Sword Saint (Anthony Wong dressed as Gandalf). Lord Conquer (Sonny Chiba) leads the greatest clan of medieval China, the creatively named Conquer Clan. “The Stormriders” Chinese Theatrical PosterĬast: Ekin Cheng, Aaron Kwok, Sonny Chiba, Kristy Yeung, Michael Tse, Lawrence Cheng, Wayne Lai, Roy Cheung, Shu Qi, Jason Chu, Alex Fong, Anthony Wong ![]()
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